It’s true what they say: this too shall pass. Time has a way of marching on. Here, I’m sharing a letter to myself in the darkest time of my life … because things do get better.
Hey there, darling,
No one can reach you right now; physically because you are locked in your room, and emotionally because you won’t, can’t let them in. It breaks my heart to see you suffering alone, hurting yourself like you are doing. You can’t feel it, but I’m holding your hand.
It hurts to see you berating yourself for something that is outside of your control. You are punishing yourself for something that isn’t your fault. You’re not a bad person; you are unwell.
If I could, believe me, I would take away your pain in a heartbeat.
I wish I could remove your need to drink. I wish I could take the blade from your hand and wrap you up tight. I wish you didn’t feel the need to starve yourself, or to abuse food in other ways. I wish you loved yourself the way I do looking back at you.
I wish I could tell you it will get better immediately. If I could give you the key to unlock the shackles, I would. But I know you have to go on your journey. What I can promise is it will be okay. It will get better. You will get better.
Stop trying to be perfect; it’s a long, painful road to a destination that doesn’t exist. You don’t need to be anyone other than who you are; a funny, beautiful, smart, loving girl with a kind heart.
There are going to be times when you think life is over for you. I promise, the opposite is true. Life will begin for you in a way far better than you could have ever dreamt up. Life is going to get so good.
I know you feel so fragile you are about to break into a million tiny pieces, but believe me, you are strong… so, so strong. It seems hopeless right now, but hold on. One day you will smile, laugh and LIVE.
You will probably hear this a thousand times, but I will keep reminding you:
Hope – Hold On Pain Ends.
And I will love you for the both of us, until you catch me up,