Low self-esteem, low self-worth, no self-acceptance. Negative self-talk, constantly finding myself lacking and falling short.
Not feeling good enough.
Those beliefs and values crippled me, and we are all afflicted by some of them to an extent.
For me they have formed a basis for a decade of struggle, pain and self-abuse. Alcoholism, self-harm, starvation, binge eating, depression and anxiety, are just some of the problems I have battled.
I am now in recovery and working on myself each and every day. It’s not easy; I’m not perfect and I never will be.
Perfection doesn’t exist. I’m a work-in-progress; flawed, and that is absolutely okay.
So why have I created Girl Untold? Couldn’t I do this in a notebook?
It is a way for me to express all the words that I have in my heart, and yes, I do write in a journal.
But this stuff needs to be talked about. Pain, struggle, self-loathing, self-abuse, addiction, eating disorders, depression … those are all just some of the taboo subjects that are still discussed in hushed tones, shrouded in shame and people not feeling able to speak up and ask for the help they so desperately need.
I’m not doing anything special. I’m just writing because the only way we can smash this stigma and perceived shame is if people speak out.
I’ve been the teenager with such low self-worth she accepted the wrong kind of attention just for some affirmation she was okay.
I’ve been the girl cutting herself in her bedroom while drinking bottles of wine.
I’ve been the girl who was physically fading away but still refused to eat because she didn’t feel she’d ‘done well enough yet’.
I’ve been the woman who felt so ashamed and fat she was terrified to leave the house. I’ve been the girl who felt so scared and lonely that she could never see things getting better.
But they did, and they do.
Today I am in recovery, in a loving relationship with an amazing man, have a strong relationship with my family, have wonderful friends, and I run my own business. I have a life.
Don’t get me wrong, that life isn’t all roses and sunshine. I have a lot of mindset work to do to love myself. I have a lot of weight to lose to make myself healthy as a result of another period of self-abuse. I have bad days, but nowhere near what they used to be.
Today I’m okay, just as I am… and so are you.