Dear Body,

The words I’m sorry don’t really capture the magnitude of what I feel, but they’re still true.

I’m sorry I hurt you. You have never done anything to deserve the way I treated you. I took you for granted.

I’m sorry for flooding you with so much alcohol- poison, no less- and many times until I lost my ability to look after you.

I’m sorry I made you bleed as punishment for something I had no control over and that your beautiful skin is scarred.

I’m sorry I made you swallow so many pills you had to go to hospital.

I’m sorry for all the times I told you that you weren’t good enough.

I’m sorry I starved you until you began shutting down functions just to stay alive.

I’m sorry I made you eat so much you were obese and couldn’t walk without getting out of breath. And I’m sorry for the times I would cause you to painfully bring the food up again.

I’m sorry for all the times I put you at risk, simply because what was in my head seemed more important than you. I’m sorry I saw you just as collateral damage, and strangely not part of me.

You have always been there for me, even when I abused and punished you for something that wasn’t your fault.

You are what gives me a chance to experience the world and its wonders, to laugh and love, to hopefully realise my dream of bearing healthy children, and to live a long, happy life.

Every scar you bear, every stretch mark, every damaged part, all the excess weight… they are just proof that you have stood by me.

From now on I will make sure you know how grateful I am for you.

I will look after you and work on getting you healthy again.

I will let you be who you are and not criticise you for perceived imperfections.

I will love you every day and be there for you, as you have for me.

 

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